You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize