My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
