She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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