Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
