She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
