I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is Oprah even human
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
