I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
