i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
