You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
