the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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