i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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