I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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