How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
