I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
a search helicopter?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
