Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
