I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
