I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
