either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
