Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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