It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
