Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
