this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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