Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
