ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
ok first of all what the fuck
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