After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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