Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
