I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
