oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
