i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
