remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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