Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
