how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
