now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
