maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
