I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the day after is always just damage control
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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