Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
