Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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