I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
