the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I know her cup size but not her name....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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