omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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