He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
