Is it normal to miss your booty call?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
