I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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