I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm both gender and math confused
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
