yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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