I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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