that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
