Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
