There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
