I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
