I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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