the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize