that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
