I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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