Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
