I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
