he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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