I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
