He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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