wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
