I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
