white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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