So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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