Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this will be a night to untag.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
