my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
