I'm so fucking centered right now
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
