Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
