I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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