dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize