So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
