I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
